As with all 100-mile races there is always a story that brings me to the start line. Last year I wrote an article about giving up my quest in chasing Western States that was published by Trail Sisters, that article is linked here https://trailsisters.net/2022/11/24/letting-go-of-western-states/.
2023 brought me into a new year, newly divorced after 30 years of marriage, and a major move from living in Georgia to Washington State where I grew up; my parents, siblings and many of my old friends all live. I needed some healing and time to get my feet back under me so to speak. I had the support of my amazing family, great friends, support groups I joined and an incredibly wise therapist. I was finding myself, redefining who I was and wanted to be. I had not yet fully found my way back to running that much, although I refused to give up what I loved to do. Maybe instead of the big 100-mile races I loved, it would be just shorter runs and a few adventures thrown in.
Then just as l was finding deep healing in my life, making new friends, and settling into a life that I was loving, my life would take a drastic turn. I was hospitalized in the middle of May 2023 with what would be diagnosed as a neuro immune disease that left me paralyzed and crippled. While family and friends, both near and far rallied around me, I would leave the hospital 10 days later after 5 rounds of high dose steroid treatments and 5 rounds of immunoglobulin (or IVIG) treatments. I was diagnosed with Transverse Myelitis (TM) which is caused by a large lesion in the spine that causes nerve and muscle damage. Only time will tell if or how much your body recovers from it. I left the hospital doing better but still very unstable to walk and my hands very much crippled. I also left the hospital with the determination to work hard in therapy and other treatments to get back what I could, to not let this disease win. I decided that if this was the best I would recover and ever be, I would figure out how to live with it and succeed. I have learned that most people with this disease are completely unable to walk or are extremely crippled, and I’m blessed to be able to not only walk but to run. I tried to keep a positive attitude and was determined not to let this disease define me or beat me!
My hand miraculously opens up spontaneously after being crippled!
Praising God!
My progress was slow and frustrating, but I celebrated each success I had. My crippled hands began to open up and I was able to use them more and more. I would go out on the local trails and was able to hike and do a shuffle down them which I called running. And if that was all I would ever be able to do, I would find peace and happiness with what I was given. I would find other things I loved doing and embrace and be grateful beyond words for what I could do.
At the finishing track at Western States in June
In June I was able to travel to Western States Endurance Run100 (WSER) and be there as a spectator and to see my friends who had gotten into the lottery this year, cross the finish line. My love for this race was still there and my desire to one day get a chance to run it once again burned deep down. It also felt like something that had been taken away, that would be impossible for me to do. How would I get a qualifier and how would I ever finish this race if I did get into it? I have always had incredible running friends and people that believed in me when I could not believe in myself, so I decided to find and signup for a 2023 WS qualifier. With only a few choices late in the year, I had been told by other friends that the Indiana Trail 100 was a great race and picked that as my goal. I was still struggling to get in the training and runs that I needed, and in the end, I knew with all that I had been through even if I only got 40 miles at the race it would be a success for me. One of my close friends told me, no matter how many miles I get, it won’t mean I will never run 100 miles again, just that I wasn’t trained and ready at this point in my recovery.
As the race got closer, I made plans to go to the race, and asked Stephanie, my UTMB buddy to come crew and help me at the race. Another friend Tom signed up to run alongside me for 100 miles, but I also wanted some crew because I was unsure what my TM would look like in a 100-mile race. With all my plans in place I drove the Knoxville a few days before the race where Stephanie lives, then to head up to Indiana a couple days later. It was then that unforeseeable circumstances wouldn’t allow Stephanie to come along and be my crew. Other close friends wanted to jump in trying to help at the last minute, but the race is so far away to drive to and flying there didn’t seem reasonable. I had no idea if I could even finish this race, it had been a year since I had even run a 100-mile race, and my lack of good training and this disease could add additional factors. I had completed races with no crew before and knew in this 4-loop race, I could take care of myself if needed. This could be my comeback race, or it might just be a foundation to build on, either way I was okay with however it went.
Race morning was cold and dreary with rain, my running friends all know cold is my least favorite thing. I have also learned in my many years of running and races that being prepared with the right gear and clothing can make the difference of finishing or not. Staying warm was my biggest concern with my disease because of all the nerve damage. It’s hard to describe what my body feels like, but my body is not able to regulate temperatures, hot or cold and I live with constant muscle and nerve pain. So as the race started in cold rain conditions, I was determined to do what I always do, find my happy place, be grateful for each step and remind myself that I get to do this. This race is four 25-mile loops with most aid stations only 4-5 miles apart. Very manageable. I carried some extra warm clothes in my pack to manage my needs that might come up between loops and carried only one water bottle to keep my pack as light as possible. I have a lot of TM issues in the muscles in my back and wanted to keep my pack as light weight as possible.
Very quickly I could see how amazing the aid stations were going to be. They were not only well staffed with excellent volunteers, but they also had so many food options; I would easily be able to manage things. Tom was running with me, helping to set a steady pace and encourage me, and the company made the time go by quickly. We completed the first loop in just over 6 hours, and I had some hope that possibly I could make it to the finish. As in all races, things ebb and flow, and I would not hold that optimism the entire race.
The second loop proved to be a lot muddier on the course. Over 300 runners running over the same trails left us struggling with each step in the slippery mud and water as it continued to rain during that second loop until late in the day. I had put on a heated vest that Stephanie had lent to me while I was in Knoxville. I was most concerned about getting cold and not being able to recover from that. I could now see that the vest was going to be a huge game changer for keeping me warm and moving well without getting overwhelmed in the cold rain of the day and night temperatures. I also kept dry gloves on my hands the entire time to keep my hands warm. At the end of loop 2 Tom needed to change shoes and fix his feet. Knowing exactly what shoes to wear and how to manage your feet when they are wet and muddy all day is a challenge sometimes. I changed into warm dry clothing for the night, and we left for the 3rd loop just around 14 hours into the race. I kept my optimism that we were doing well, and I might in fact be able to make it to the finish. So far, I had no major issues and we just kept moving forward. The first half of each loop we felt like the mud was worse and did more power hiking on this section of each loop. After leaving the halfway aid station on that third loop I started to really feel strong and began to run and power hike a little ahead of Tom. I had also made a strategic decision to take my poles with me starting that 3rd loop which again was another game changer in helping me move well through the mud and give me a little leverage to run stronger.
Proof of life photo, ready for loop 2!
I came into the Rally aid station just ahead of Tom and was soon completely surprised when my close friend, Rick showed up to surprise and support me. He is not a runner, has never been to a race before, knew nothing about crewing or supporting at one (except from some coaching he got from my friend Ana) and he caught me completely off guard! I was so happy to see him right at that moment, although I was feeling good at that point in the race. I knew a few of the volunteers at a couple of the aid stations where I saw friendly faces, but there’s nothing like having someone go to such effort to come support and surprise you!
Tom came in a few minutes later, we both got some food, and we were quickly off to the last 8 miles of that loop. We dealt with some headlamp difficulty that slowed our finish of that loop, but we came in off loop 3 to make a quick turn around before the final lap. I had been feeling good, but we were now left with 7.5 hrs. to complete the final loop. That was going to be a tight one and I was beginning to feel like I might not make it across the finish line. As we started that loop Tom told me to go, don’t wait on him if he falls behind at all. Our collective goal was to get me across the finish line and get to the Western States qualifier. I’m normally sort of motivated by the buckle but honestly the buckle itself didn’t really get me excited. When I looked it up just before the race it didn’t seem like anything special, or that interesting and Tom and I would eventually call it the Butt Ugly Buckle or the BUB! He told me to go get that BUB!
I ran that loop just ahead of Tom by only a few minutes, but I didn’t really take time to look back or wait on him as my focus was on getting to the finish and not wasting any time at aid stations or pausing. As I got close to the Rally aid station one of the volunteers was out on the trail to meet me and accompany me into the aid station. He had come out there to find me. He let me know I was moving at a good pace and that Rick was again waiting for me there and was worried as I was close to cutoffs. By this point my body is really starting to hurt. I’m starting to lean because of the muscle issues I’m having in my back due to the TM. I try to keep myself as upright as possible, but the pain and weakness often got the best of me in the end. Rick quickly helps me get my water bottle refilled and I head back out with him hiking and pacing with me for a half mile or so. He kept encouraging me and telling me I could do it. I had 5 miles to get to the last aid station and then 3 more to the finish. I wasn’t feeling like I could do it. My body hurt, I was struggling to run and didn’t know if just my fast hike pace would be enough. But Rick believed in me, and I am not someone who quits. I might not make it to the finish but as long as I’m allowed to continue, I’ll keep moving. As soon as Rick turns back to the aid station, he tells me he’ll see me at the finish, and I start to move a little faster and start praying out loud. I had no idea if I could finish, and while I was totally OK with what I’ve accomplished, I asked the Lord to carry me. He has gotten me through so much in the last months and years of my life and He’s brought me this far, if He will just carry me now to that finish, I will give Him all the glory!
Rick heading out of the aid station with me!
My watch had been dead for a long time at this point and my phone had only a small percentage of battery left; I could only move as fast as my legs could carry me. I had no way of knowing how far I had left to go or what time it was. I felt certain I was going too slow to make the cutoff, but I would not quit. I rounded a corner and there in the middle of the trail I once again see Rick. This time I’m certain he’s come out there to tell me I’ve missed the cutoff, console me and walk with me back to the aid station. Instead, he tells me I got this! The aid station was just ahead and then I had an hour to do the final 3 miles. Twenty-minute miles, I can do it! He and Tom (who has now dropped) helped me to quickly get my pack resupplied and I’m off to finish this thing. They will see me at the finish line.
Then Tom showed Rick where there is a road crossing, and he could again access the trail to meet me. A couple miles later Rick was on the trail to pace me to the upcoming road crossing where I was down to 1 mile left and about 17 minutes to get to the finish. Even though I felt I could barely move and in pain, I knew I was close, and I stepped up my pace as best I could and kept moving forward. As soon as I saw the grassy area where the trail comes out of the woods and hits the last little bit down to the finish, I once again saw Rick running up the hill to meet me. As soon as I reached him, he tells me the finish is right there around the corner. I got this; I now know I’m finishing this race! I ran down the hill and crossed the finish line where I got a hug from the race director who gave me that buckle (the BUB!) that I now count as one of the most precious buckles I have! Each buckle has a story, each finish has its struggles and each one holds its own place in my journey!
With the Race Director, Nick Brandt, Rick and the sweet BUB!!!
It’s not a BUB at all, it’s a treasure! Thank you, Indiana Trail 100!!
Trail Running 100 